Thursday, October 31, 2013

Halloween Tales

  

Urban Legend or Truth?



Hanged Accidentally

Charlotte, NC – In 1990, William Anthony Odem (15) and his friends got permission to stage a haunted house in the basement of his aunt’s home.  The Halloween party attraction was decorated with faux spider webs, plastic bats, gallows and more.  The latter article of décor proved to be deadly.  While staging the gallows, the noose tightened around Odem and he was strangled. 
     The teen was pronounced dead the following day after being discovered laying in the webs and bats meant frighten his intended guests.

Chicago, IL – Also in 1990, 17 year old Brian Jewell was working for a haunted hayride.  Each night that the ride was open, Jewel would give a frightening speech to riders as they passed by.  One night in particular, the driver of the tractor noticed that Jewel had not given his nightly speech intended to send chills down the passenger’s spines. 
     Earlier that Saturday, passengers were thrilled and Jewell was NOT harmed.  The equipment is said to have been checked REGULARLY and there was NO sign of foul play (after an autopsy was completed).  The noose used by Jewell was not one that was to tighten.  It remains a mystery as to how Jewell was hanged, especially since his feet were touching the ground. 

Sparta, MI – In 2001, Caleb Rebh (14) was permitted to volunteer as part of the entertainment for a haunted hayride.  According to his mother, Rebh REALLY wanted to work at the hayride.  She had taken her son to Alpine Ridge Farms in order to speak with the Bradly’s (the owners of the farms) regarding a job for Rebh.  When told that they had all of the workers that they needed for the evening, the young Caleb stated that he wanted to stay and did NOT need to be paid, that he simply wanted to be a part of the festivities.  Later that evening, his mother received a call from him.  Caleb told her that he would indeed be used for the night and that he wanted “to be scarier to the passersby”.
     Caleb began the night working a post that hosted a coffin.  He really didn’t know what to do and simply yelled out “BOO” to the people as they passed.  At some point, he was able to switch posts with another worker.  This is how he came to the post with a skeleton hanging from a noose.  Rebh decided that to up the fright factor he would swing from the noose in place of the skeleton.  Unfortunately, he underestimated his weight and ability to prevent his own suffocation.
    As he struggled for air, guests and fellow workers stood by and watched believing that he was acting while executing a Halloween prank.


Double Murder

Napa Valley, CA – Halloween Night 2004 began with three [female] roommates passing out candy to trick-or-treaters and enjoying a fairly laid back evening.  Around 10:30pm, the trio retreated to bed, only for one to be awakened later that night to screams and the sound of glass breaking.  The startled woman ran from the house only to return later to her roommates stabbed to death. 
    It was later discovered that the murderer was the fiancé of one of the roommates who had become insanely jealous of the trio’s friendship.

Ultimate Halloween Prank

Neighborhood kids came together and thought that it would be great to get a dummy any behead it.  Well, Susan and John Buckley thought it would be even better to behead THEIR MOTHER.  The two did just that.  When a group of trick-or-treaters figured out that the beheaded “decoration” was a REAL PERSON, they notified police.  The duo fled the home and the body was said to be discovered…..half eaten.


Tuesday, October 22, 2013

JB Double.....Jell-O 9-1-1...........Bomb Hoax

I AM UN-BE-LIEB-ABLE


   
  What would you do with $100,000?  Well, Toby Sheldon (33) thought that the best use of $100,000 and five years was to have plastic surgery in order to turn himself into his idol, Justin Bieber.  Yes…..his idol….and YES, he is 33.  Although the Bieb’s himself is ONLY 18 and the vast majority of his fans are just now migrating into high school……..this uber fan has put their crazed fandemonium to shame.
     How the money was raised/earned remains a mystery, due to Sheldon being labeled as a “songwriter” but no actual credits have surfaced for him.   Either way, he has spent the past half-decade attempting to turn himself into the ex-beau of Selena Gomez.
      The British “songwriter” had Botox injections, hair implants and “smile surgery”. 
     “It’s Justin’s smile that gives him his youthful look.  So I had my upper lip lifted [and] my bottom lip plumped out.” – Sheldon (to the ‘Crown).




Cancellation.....Bomb Style


     Neil McArdie (36) showed himself to be less than diligent when it came to his April wedding.   Rather than admit to his lovely bride, Amy Williams, that he [simply] forgot to fill out the paperwork at Liverpool’s St. George’s Hall…….McArdie woke up on the day of his wedding and called in a bogus bomb threat to the venue.  Williams was forced to stand outside in the street in her gown as the building was evacuated.  The staff was mortified beyond words……since his hoax came just days after the catastrophic Boston Marathon Bombings.
     Later in the day, McArdie was arrested and admitted that he had made the call due to his forgetfulness.   This past week he was sentenced to 12 months via the Liverpool Crown Court.  According to the prosecutor, McArdie stated SEVERAL times that he was embarrassed and ashamed of his actions.  Judge Norman Wright had the following to say about McArdie’s antics/behavior, “She was getting ready, expecting you were going to be man and wife and a very solemn public event in her life and you knew that was not going to take place……You did not say ‘We need to talk.’ You tried to weasel your way out by creating a bomb hoax so the wedding would not take place.”
     If you are wondering……..Ms. Williams is STILL with Mr. McArdie.  Let us hope that the next attempt at nuptials goes more as planned.


9-1-1 PUDDING CALL

   
  A 39 year old employee of Wakenfern Food Corp called 9-1-1 (on 10.10.2013) to report the theft of his Jell-O brand strawberry Jell-O snack from the break room.  According to the victim this was NOT the first time that this has happened.  As of date, police have yet to apprehend the Jell-O snack thief. 









Monday, October 14, 2013

No Longer Dead, Double Trained, and Penis Rescue

I’m NOT Dead Anymore……I Promise


A Findley, Ohio man was told that the 1994 ruling declaring him legally dead…….can NOT be overturned.  YUP….that is correct, although Donald Miller, Jr (61) stood in court (appearing of sound mind and body)…….he was informed by Hancock County Probate Judge Allan Davis that there is a 3 year limit to have a death declaration overturned. 
     “We’ve got the obvious here. A man sitting in the court room… I don’t know where that leaves you, but you’re still deceased as far as the law is concerned,” Judge Davis. 
    Let us recap…….Miller VANISHED from his home in 1994! It was 2005 before Miller RESURFACED in Ohio and decided that he no longer wished to be (declared) dead.   He went to court in order to obtain a driver’s license.  His ex-wife (Robin Miller) did NOT agree with his decision to alert the courts, etc. to him NOT being dead………..she objected because she does NOT have the money to repay Social Security for the benefits they paid out to her and the couple’s 2 children.  According to Robin, Miller vanished in 1994 because he owed $26,000 in child support payments. 
     Miller on the other hand claims that he disappeared in the 1980’s because he was an alcoholic who lost his job.  His parents informed him that he was dead when he returned from hiding in Florida and Georgia. 
“It kind of went further than expected it to.” – Donald Miller, Jr.
   
     According to Judge Davis, Miller can challenge the Social Security Administration in Federal Court…….BUT surprise, surprise…….Miller does NOT have the (financial) resources to do so. 


Double Train Survivor

    
     Police in Utah are in shock these days…….truly unable to believe what they recently witnessed.  Police were pursuing a Mercedes when it drove onto train tracks and was HIT by a passing train.  Officers rushed to the car to assist the driver, when…..before a horn could be heard……ANOTHER train hit the SAME CAR.
     MIRACULOUSLY…..the driver of the car’s injuries were: A BROKEN ARM.  By the way, the FIRST train was ALREADY headed southbound when the FEMALE driver collided with it.

50 Shades of Red

       The London Fire Brigade has launched a public shaming campaign in hopes that it will (ultimately) ELIMINATE embarrassing emergency calls and “rescues”.  The campaign takes its name from the popular erotic novel, “Fifty Shades of Grey” due to the Brigade’s theory that the influx of erotic emergency rescues may be due to the novel’s popularity. 
    According to data, the Brigade has responded to the following:
·        416 stuck body parts (2010-2011)
·        441 stuck body parts (2011-2012)
·        453 stuck body parts (2012-2013)
79 of the people rescued where wearing handcuffs that they could not remove themselves.  There was also a quite memorable incident where EMS had to rescue a man’s penis from a vacuum cleaner.  Cookware and oils have been reasons why emergency services have been called upon by people as well. 

     The campaign INCLUDES responders taking to Twitter to inform of the emergent requests made by people lacking the good sense NOT to stick body parts in places NOT meant for them. 
     Emergency agencies in the US do not seem quite as ready as London is to publicly address these types of calls/rescues.  Although there have been instances where large METAL rings have become LODGED around men’s private areas and there have ALSO been occasions where PLASMA CUTTERS have been used to free individuals from items they were using for erotic pleasuring. 





Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Kidnapping, Government Sex Toys and Poop..........




Guy’s Night out Kidnapping



 Edinburg, Texas: Rogelio Andaverde (34) wanted to hang out with his friends last Tuesday……….BUT, he was soooooo afraid to tell his wife this that he faked his own kidnapping.  Around 10:30pm, Andaverde’s friends entered his home wearing ski masks with guns and removed him “by force” from the home.  His wife was home at the time and she immediately contacted police.  The police scoured the neighborhood looking for the kidnappers and Andaverde. 
     Authorities began to question the validity of the kidnapping when NO leads surfaced and Andaverde RETURNED HOME LATER THE SAME NIGHT.  Upon his return, he told his wife that the kidnappers showed him mercy and simply let him go.  Andaverde did FINALLY confessed to orchestrating the kidnapping so that he could have a guy’s night out and that option was less frightening than telling his wife his intended plans.
     Police are currently looking for his faux-nappers for questioning and Andaverde has been charged with filing a false police report.


Cum into Your Furlough


     Are you a government employee that has been furloughed? Need something to do with your current abundance of free time? www.Vibrators.com wants to help you not have idle hands.  How? They are giving away (up to) 200 sex toys DAILY during the course of the shutdown.  The free 5-inch pink vibrator may be just what the doctor order to keep the furloughed calm and occupied. 
     The giveaway began in lukewarm fashion this past Friday…….ONLY 400 were dispensed over the weekend.   According to Tom Nardone, the president of PriveCo (the company that runs Vibrators.com), even if the shutdown lasts until December, the company will be able to keep up with the furlough demand.

"We buy them by the pallet," he said. "I think right now we have 17,000 of them on hand. So I was like, maybe we should give a free vibrator to federal employees. … And someone else said, 'that sounds like a good idea, they've got nothing to do.'


  When placing an order for the free ‘stress reliever’, the site does NOT force visitors to verify whether or not they are government employees.  When placing the order the site description “attests "Karma will get" any non-gov employees who exploit the offer.


*Currently SOLD OUT for Tuesday.*

Pooptastic Fabric Softener


Yale University: Students at Saybrook College are on the lookout for a person (or persons) that have been adding human feces to the dryers in the laundry facility on campus.  Authorities state that they are searching for the culprit(s)………students have decided to stand guard at the facility in order to cease the dried feces laundry scandal.